Postpartum Taboo: What I learned

**This post might have triggers for some people, so please do not read if you feel like it will be upsetting to you. Also I am not a medical professional about postpartum depression/anxiety/anger. This is my experience not medical advise. If you feel you need medical help seek it right away!

I was so worried about postpartum depression the third time around. I had it with Eleanor. I had it really bad with Ruby. So naturally I worried I would have it with Theo. With Ruby it was extremely bad to the point where it was hard to function, and I don’t remember a lot of her little months. There were many factors that I feel played into this. The biggest factor was me believing all the lies the enemy put in my head. The "You aren’t good enough, Betsy." "You can’t breastfeed your baby." "What kind of mother are you?" "Your baby’s screaming, and you can’t even calm her down?" "Wow, you suck." "Someone else can do it better than you."

Somewhere in all of that chaos in my mind I made a decision to seek the truth. It took me a long time to come to this decision. It was hard. It’s still hard. I struggle with it to this day, but God has brought me out of it. He has redeemed me. Seeking out the truth in his Word and what he says about me has turned this 3rd postpartum journey into one of joy. I can look at my babies and smile. This time around I can be ok with rocking Theo, because I want to and I’m his mom. There’s no shame.

These are things that I needed to hear or do during my postpartum depression/anxiety/anger:

1. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Louder for those in the back: ASK FOR HELP! This does not make you less of a mother. If you need help; you need help. Babies are hard work whether it’s your first, second or eighth baby. It is work!! Find your tribe. Don’t be embarrassed.

2. If your doctor isn’t listening to you FIND ANOTHER DOCTOR!

3. Don’t listen to the lies that Satan will feed you: you aren’t good enough, your baby hates you, your baby would be better off without you. THOSE ARE LIES FROM THE PIT OF HELL!! Get in the Bible and write down truths God says about you. You are wanted (Ps. 139:16-17). God looked at you when you were made, and said it is very good (Gen. 1:31). You can do hard things (Phil. 4:13). You are not alone when you have been up with the baby for the 100th time (Ps. 94:14). God sees you (2 Chronicles 16:9a). He hears you (Jer. 29:12-13). He loves you (Ps. 86:15). Put these on notecards. Post them around your house. Write them on your bathroom mirror. Put them where you will see them constantly. The negative thoughts come constantly, so we need to be able to fight it constantly with TRUTH!

4. Remember it is a season and it doesn’t last forever: the good and the bad!

5. Do not (I repeat DO NOT) compare your motherhood journey with some else’s. (I still struggle with this immensely). God wrote out the plan for you and your family. Not you and your best friend. You and your family! They are good plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you a hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

6. If you need a break, take a break. You are not less because you need to put baby down and walk away. You are not less if you need to have someone come over so you can just go sit in the car and have silence. It is ok to take a break.

7. Taking medicine does not make you less of a momma. If you need it, you need it! It’s not a crutch. If it is what can support you and help you be able to take care of your baby and have those precious moments, then utilize that tool. There is no shame! It might not be something you need forever. **talk to your doctor about this.

8. And that leads me to DO NOT PUT GUILT ON YOURSELF!! No matter how you parent: cry it out or rock baby to sleep, feed baby bottles or breastfeed baby, stay at home with your babies or go to work. YOU DO WHAT YOU NEED TO FOR YOUR FAMILY! As long as you are loving your baby and meeting your babies needs that’s what matters.

With all of this being said if you are struggling with postpartum depression/anxiety/anger do not be ashamed! I think every mom deals with some form of postpartum. If it’s getting to a place where you are like this is not right; I need help. Go to your doctor, go to the ER, call a trusted friend, call family, call me. Get the help you need, girl. It can be hard. It can feel like failure. I know. I’ve been there! Do not listen to those lies, because it is not failure seeking help; it is STRENGTH.