Control Freak

I have a control problem. If you know me you will eventually find this out. It doesn't take long to see. I have to have it. I crave control. If I am not in control I get anxious. Extremely anxious. People might not see it right away. I am very good at masking anxiety.

I used to not think that I liked control. I usually just follow what other people say. I take direction very well. Also I don't feel like I am a leader, so if someone else needs to feel like they are in charge I am fine with that. Lately, though since control of things have been slowly been taken away from me.... I have come to the conclusion I am a control freak. Big to little things I just need to be in control. I think it makes me feel comfortable.

I never really thought being in control was a problem. In our society if you are in control it is a sign of good status. That you are important and have power. People in control should be respected. Maybe that is why I want control, so people will respect me. I think the biggest reason I am a control freak is because I have control (to put it bluntly). I can control the outcome of my life.

Reading my Bible lately I am seeing that I am not supposed to be in control of my life God is. What I have been noticing that goes along with control is trust. I do not like the word trust. I struggle with trusting anyone!!! I mean I know my life better than anyone right? So why should I trust anyone else. I thought I do trust God with my life. I pray every day. I ask him to help me with my problems. When you really get down to the nitty gritty of it all though... I am still trying to CONTROL my life while "trusting God." (Obviously not real trust).

In Matthew it spells it out in simple terms....

Matthew 10:38 "If you cling to you life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it."

Whoa.... I mean that is pretty easy to understand. If I cling to my life I lose it, if I give my life up (trusting in God) I find it. Why is that such a hard concept to come to terms with? It should be easy to do. IT IS SO HARD!!!! Like I said you guys... I am a control freak.

Why am I so scared to trust in God and give up control? There are so many places in the Bible where it talks about what I mean to God.

Matthew 10:29-31 "But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid, you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows."

Isaiah 43:4 "Others were given in exchange for you. I traded their lives for yours because you are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you."

Jeremiah 31:3 Long ago the Lord said to Israel: "I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself."

There are so many more verses I could find to show how much God loves me and how much I mean to him. So why can't I give him control of my life?

I am trying so hard to give him control, but every time I try I fail. I am not a Bible scholar, but I don't think it says in there to try. It says to give it up. Give up your life (Matt. 10:38). When I am trying, I am still trying to control it the way I know how. If I give my life up, then God has complete control to do what he wants.

Psalms 46: 10 "Be still, and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world." (NLT). In another translation it says, "Let go of your concerns! Then you will know that I am God. I rule the nations. I rule the earth." (GW)

I need to stop trying (in my own strength) and give up (so God can finally take control). Give all of my LIFE to God.

I mean Jesus gave up everything for me. So shouldn't I give up my life to God?